Monday, November 4, 2013

Grateful Journey...

I can say I would never change my life for all the money in the world or all the friends I could squeeze into an Amtrak train. I know that I am the fortunate one…I’m the person that skips across the crosswalk in rush hour traffic wearing a grin and dances down the sidewalk of my life in the pouring rain without an umbrella. 

Writing the Wilson Mooney Series was an amazing journey, but taking the series on the road to book signings has made the journey phenomenal. Where else could I meet some of the most supportive, dynamic, talented, people I know?

Where could I fulfill my dreams and aspirations but amongst the people that see me for who I truly am? To wake up to the true validation that what I do isn’t just a spoiled girl’s attempt to be something she wasn’t meant to be. 

I am an author…Validated by some pretty established, talented, and amazing writers. And as I make my mark on the hearts of my readers and fellow writers…one beat at a time, I attempt to stay authentic to who I truly am. 

I can’t find the difference between my life and how I’m supposed to act. As I drag my hands across the dark tweed curtains on center stage, I struggle just like anyone else for that opening where the edges meet and the lights beg to push them part. I squint as the spotlights penetrate the most private corners of my soul. I’m the person who still cries at moments of weakness and cheers at the smallest moments of strength.

I am grateful for everything that I’ve experienced, learned from choices I’ve made, and grew from watching the experiences of others. I get giddy at the moment I discover someone has fallen in love with my writing, and get overwhelmed at the support from other authors with my process.  I’ve gained trust and earned respect of my peers, not by asking them to do for me…but by sharing my heart openly with them. 

YES…I have days were I want to stop. Days where I’m tired of having my heart ripped out of my chest. Days where I just need someone to tell me that I am worthy.  But with each turn of events…with each breath that leads me back to my passion; I learn just that much more about my industry. I learn that what I put out…will be drawn back into my life. I know if I turn away from the sun I will cast a shadow in front of me, I know that as I close my ears to the discontented I won’t be able to hear, and I know as I speak…so shall my life mirror my words.
I’ve learned so much in the infancy of my career, and in learning…I’ve discovered there is still so much I have to learn. But it is in that space...of not knowing that the greatest growth takes place for me…and for all of that…I am truly grateful.