When the World Pushes Back...

tumultuous sea of dementia 

So many times we set up grand expectations which end up nose-diving to major disappointment. 

I didn't expect to be gone from publishing for three years. In the book world, it feels like a lifetime. The stress of where to jump back onto the merry-go-round of self-publishing is real. 

Have I been gone too long from the industry? Will readers be able to find me in an even more saturated market than three years ago? Has technology in publishing drastically changed? 

You see, I wasn't burned out on writing, I wasn't taking time because I hit a brick wall or experienced the dreaded writer's block. For the last three years, LIFE happened. 

Outside of who I am, the world around me decided to explode in crazy ways. Death and disease have ravaged some of my relationships, wreaked havoc on my writing career, and really messed with my emotional state of mind.  

For the last three years, I've been navigating an extremely complicated relationship with a family member who is afflicted with dementia. I wasn't prepared for the amount of mental energy that the disease consumes. Dementia is a bastard who slips through the cracks in a broken mind, laughs in your face while it insidiously steals your freedom. I'm still not prepared for the road to come. I don't know if tomorrow will be filled with the stress of accusations or the sadness of watching them struggle to remember what happened yesterday. I haven't seen the worst, and yet I can't even fathom what the worst will be. 

All I know is that I'm treading water in a tumultuous sea of dementia and my muscles are fatigued. I remind myself, it's not forever, and this too shall pass. It's the only words that seem to soothe the battered kid locked deep inside of me. 

Needless to say, I am writing. It's a slow process and it's discouraging that I can't dedicate hours and hours into the worlds I love to create. But I am doing what I can. So don't give up on this ol' gal! 

XoXo
Gretchen

Grateful Journey...

I can say I would never change my life for all the money in the world or all the friends I could squeeze into an Amtrak train. I know that I am the fortunate one…I’m the person that skips across the crosswalk in rush hour traffic wearing a grin and dances down the sidewalk of my life in the pouring rain without an umbrella. 

Writing the Wilson Mooney Series was an amazing journey, but taking the series on the road to book signings has made the journey phenomenal. Where else could I meet some of the most supportive, dynamic, talented, people I know?

Where could I fulfill my dreams and aspirations but amongst the people that see me for who I truly am? To wake up to the true validation that what I do isn’t just a spoiled girl’s attempt to be something she wasn’t meant to be. 

I am an author…Validated by some pretty established, talented, and amazing writers. And as I make my mark on the hearts of my readers and fellow writers…one beat at a time, I attempt to stay authentic to who I truly am. 

I can’t find the difference between my life and how I’m supposed to act. As I drag my hands across the dark tweed curtains on center stage, I struggle just like anyone else for that opening where the edges meet and the lights beg to push them part. I squint as the spotlights penetrate the most private corners of my soul. I’m the person who still cries at moments of weakness and cheers at the smallest moments of strength.

I am grateful for everything that I’ve experienced, learned from choices I’ve made, and grew from watching the experiences of others. I get giddy at the moment I discover someone has fallen in love with my writing, and get overwhelmed at the support from other authors with my process.  I’ve gained trust and earned respect of my peers, not by asking them to do for me…but by sharing my heart openly with them. 

YES…I have days were I want to stop. Days where I’m tired of having my heart ripped out of my chest. Days where I just need someone to tell me that I am worthy.  But with each turn of events…with each breath that leads me back to my passion; I learn just that much more about my industry. I learn that what I put out…will be drawn back into my life. I know if I turn away from the sun I will cast a shadow in front of me, I know that as I close my ears to the discontented I won’t be able to hear, and I know as I speak…so shall my life mirror my words.

I’ve learned so much in the infancy of my career, and in learning…I’ve discovered there is still so much I have to learn. But it is in that space...of not knowing that the greatest growth takes place for me…and for all of that…I am truly grateful.

FIRST MAJOR SIGNING SFINE HERE I COME!!!!

Well everyone I am off to San Francisco today for my first HUGE signing on Saturday! There is going to be over 30 authors there. I have a half of a table I am sharing with Bethany Lopez (I can't wait to meet her!). I've got all my swag in order and my bags are almost packed, all I have to do is set up my boys for success while I'm gone for 30 hours! Not much time in the realm of taking off for the weekend.

I am so excited to meet my readers, amazing authors, dynamic book bloggers, and many different people in the book industry! This weekend is going to be FAN-tastic! If you are coming down to the Sheraton at Fisherman's Wharf, make sure you come by my table, pick up some swag and let's chat! If you aren't going to San Francisco, then make sure to make it to Orlando, FL. on June 29th for Book Bash!

Thank you for being the most amazing fans a girl could ever ask for! Here's a little treat in case you can't make it to SFINE! 

With Gratitude,
Gretchen

Win a Beta Reader Spot for Wilson Mooney #3 Beyond Eighteen!

Check this out! Want to win an opportunity to read Wilson Mooney Beyond Eighteen (book3) before the public?  I have 1 spot available in my beta reader team...are you up for it? Check out the auction link above the picture below! 

Hey my lovely readers, the money is going to  a worthy cause! It helps fund needed programs at my son's school! Bid high, bid often...and who knows, you just might be hanging out with me, talking about Wilson and Max's future!

CONGRATULATIONS TO....
Suzanne R. from
the San Francisco Bay Area!
Thanks for supporting PHE!





What's Next?

There are a lot of people asking me to write a separate story from Wilson Mooney series for the other supporting characters. They are asking about Nick, Joanie, and even Cindy! Yes people are asking to know more about what makes Cindy tick (if you can believe that!).

I guess it’s something that has become a trend when producing a series or novel (writing a novelette about secondary characters). It isn’t something that is off my radar; if the demand is there. I think it would be a wonderful opportunity to introduce you to the other characters in the book.

But, I gotta tell you, I have lived with all the characters from the WM series for several years now. They have become an intrinsic part of my life. I used to find myself staring out the window, wondering what they are doing when I wasn’t writing their story. As a matter of fact, there were plenty of days I couldn’t wait to get back to them. I know how sexy and mesmerizing Wilson and Max can be. Heck, there were days when I wished they’d just come walking through my front door so I could find out what was going on in their lives when I was busy in the reality of mine.

But it is important that I take this opportunity and explain why I am ready to move on to the other stories that are banging against all the doors I keep shutting in my head, while I finish writing the 3rd book in the WM series.

My story of becoming an author isn’t rare or exciting. I sat down one day in December of 2008 and started to write a romantic sci-fi about a woman CIA agent who gets tangled in a situation beyond her control. It is a sexy, suspenseful, and an all around dynamic story of sex, murder, and betrayal. When I finished Prototype and started writing the sequel (Hindsight’s 20/20), out of nowhere, Wilson was born. The first couple of sentences of Wilson’s story came to me and from that day her words just flowed through me. Needless to say, I stopped writing Hindsight, the second book of the Prototype series, and focused on writing Wilson’s story.

Wilson Mooney, Almost Eighteen was written in 6 months. It took another 6-8 months to figure out what I was going to do with her story. In that time, I had tons of characters for other stories tiptoe and dance through my head. Stories I have fallen in love with as much as I did with Wilson and Max. Sure some are more sensual than others, some are heavy, while others are light and freeing, but all of them are so important to me and truly deserve my attention.

I would like to get Prototype out to the world soon! And with the help of my amazing editor Tiffany Grayson, it is becoming more of a reality for me. Thanks T!

And with that being said…

I know where I left you at the end of WM18@L…I know you are aching to read the third book in the series, and I totally understand that.

Please don’t panic…finishing WM3 my total priority.

I guess what I am saying is after WM3 is released, and I know that Wilson and Max are left in a sustainable state, they will be just fine with giving me their blessing to move onto other stories.

And when I do that…when you get to meet all the other totally amazing characters stomping around in my head…you’ll see why I am hesitant to commit to a novelette for the WM series. 

Thank you for being the MOST REMARKABLE fans and readers in the world!

Please don’t forget to share your love for Wilson and Max with your friends!

And like you did for me, take a chance on a new author, because there are some really talented writers out there!

With Love,

Gretchen

How Do I Explain?

OK, time for me to plaster my heart against the screen of your electronic devices. Just let me crack my chest open and pour out every last emotion that tries to cling to whatever is left dangling in my heart. What words can I say that would give you a glimpse into the pleated folds of my mind that nobody has ever seen before? I don’t know, maybe the possibility of speaking before I think of the ramifications, or in the attempt to keep my sacred moments locked away in my heart...I may appear distant or uninterested. 

If you only knew I am exploding inside, wanting to connect with every word, letter, email, and review. And the deep gratitude I feel for each person who has invested part of their life in Wilson and Max’s story.

Life is so precious, and how we spend it is so important. I am completely aware that what we do with our lives equates to how we end up spending our time. And in today’s world, I know that time is one of our most valuable commodities. A commodity that once spent, we can never get it back. We can’t ask for a refund or exchange it for something different.

Time is priceless, treasured, and irreplaceable; therefore, I truly understand the price you’ve paid to spend time with the characters that found their way through me and out into the world. Is there even a word in existence that can explain the emotion that swells through my body when I find out that someone has fallen in love with Wilson and Max? Possibly, but at this particular moment I can’t seem to find it.

Maybe it’s like when you see the man of your dreams and the spark it ignites deep within your heart. Or the unconditional, untainted love that saturates you when you see your child for the first time. This whole experience really does rank up there for me. When people give their time to my words, it is an indescribable feeling. A feeling I want to blurt out, share with everyone, and canvas the world with it; but it is so personal, so intense, and so awe-inspiring that to try and explain it seems almost too…limiting.

It is so powerful to feel people’s emotions. Every response I get from a reader about Wilson is poignant because they have taken their time to think, feel, and process the emotions that boiled to the surface of their life when they read her story. That resonates with me.

I can’t tell you what waits for me later today, tomorrow, or even the next. But I can tell you this…I am exceedingly grateful to all of the people in this world who have decided to share in the stories that swamp my head and pour out through my fingers. To those of you who have invested your treasure and time in my words—I thank you from the bottom of my heart!

With Gratitude,

Gretchen 

Okay, Let's just Visualize okay! Humor me!

Hello, Jennifer Lawrence as Wilson?

Where the Heck is WM18@L?

Alright, right off the bat...I gotta tell you, I don't have a release date for WM18@L...yet. **grumble**grumble** (feel free to replace previous grumblings with your personal words). 

I feel this book (WM2) is much more of a hurry up and wait game. I gotta say, the “hurry up and wait” aspect of publishing this book, sucks. I want to come up with a date, I want to tell you, it is perfect, done, and ready. Because I know there are hundreds of people waiting to find out about Wilson and Max. I know where I left you, and I know how hard it can be to wait and see. It’s disheartening to keep telling you, my most amazing readers, to be patient. I feed off your energy and the anticipation that's building through all of your reviews and emails. I wish I could give you the inside scoop of the exact day it will be released, but I am waiting just like you.

I have so much love for all of you, and totally wish I could tell you what you want to hear, but I can’t. There are some aspects that effect the release of the book. So we are in the waiting process. But I promise you, WM18@L is completely written, and it has been edited twice. I have some small tweaks I have to make to the content and then meet again with the graphic designer to finish up the cover.

NOT TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT BUT…

Trust me; I know how you feel having to wait, because that’s how I write. When I sit down at the computer I have no idea what journey Wilson and Max will go on until my fingers are tapping on the letters of my keyboard. I wish I could tell you that I am a plotter, that I know exactly what character is going where, and what actions, feelings, and events are going to occur from one chapter to the next, but I don’t. Sometimes I stop mid-paragraph, mid-sentence, and have to come back when the story decides to continue. I write from that place of inspiration that decides to turn on in the middle of dinner, at my son’s basketball game, or even in the middle of the night.

Any writer will tell you, whether they plot or not, you can’t force the characters to do something they don’t want to do. It will come out awkward or unbelievable. I can’t sit down and tell Wilson what she and Max are supposed to do. She will argue until I see it her way (and just so you know…Wilson always win—always). Sometimes when I want to protect her or the other characters I will try and write it from a safer place or a different direction and sure as sh*t, they’ll flat out ignore me. When the characters decide to do something I would personally never do, I find myself pacing the floor, arguing with them. My body begins to perspire and my heart thunders in the back of my throat. I guess that’s when I know it is authentic. Eventually, I find myself tapping the keys and writing exactly what Wilson asked me to in the first place.

Even though I know what happens next, I struggle with waiting just as much as my readers. I know, I know…I can hear what you’re saying, “Come on Gretch, you have no idea how we feel. You have Wilson and Max in your head all the time!” Actually, I don’t. They aren’t hanging out telling me what is going on. Heck, it would make writing their story a lot easier if they were. But like you, I have to wait and see what they are willing to share with me.

 

Wilson Mooney, Eighteen at Last…Coming REALLY soon, sometime in 2012.

With So Much Love and Gratitude,

Gretchen

When A Spark Catches...

When a spark catches, a fire will blaze until its unstoppable flames consume without consideration. It is at this particular moment when we must decide if it is a blessing or a curse. We can either stand on the edge of a new opportunity grieving for what was lost or choose to celebrate the newly discovered possibilities.

When Wilson came to me several years ago, I didn’t know what she was all about. Some people told me that none of the big publishers would touch the story with a ten-foot pole. They thought the story was too taboo because it was about a girl and her teacher. But something inside me kept me writing it. The creative urge to tell her story was stronger than the mainstream belief that readers couldn’t handle the subject.

I knew that once people read the story, the whole idea of a student and a teacher would be an afterthought to the relationship of two young people who were falling in love with each other. It was so much more than the superficial, knee-jerk judgment of a naughty novel.

As I passed chapters to people who wanted to read Wilson’s story, I worked really hard to stretch out of the box of conventional thinking. If someone tried to stuff me back in the box, I would find the means to kick my way out. I guess I was too naïve to believe that stories like Wilson’s didn’t have an audience.

When I needed help, I would ask and opportunities would always show up. When I didn’t know if I was doing the right thing, I would stop and wait for the answers. When days turned into more days and doubt would creep into my head, I was fortunate enough to have people who would whack me upside the noggin for stopping mid-sentence and then give me positive strokes for continuing with my passion. It never took much to remind me why I was writing Wilson and Max’s story.

If there is anything I learned in the journey of bringing Wilson and Max to the world, it would have to be anything is possible. 

What mind can conceive, man can achieve.

Patience is truly the most rewarding attribute of seeing your dream unfold. When you feel like giving up, find every moment that sparks the creative energy in your heart and focus on that. When situations hurt your feelings, find something in that situation that helps you grow. Find the diamond buried in the huge mountain. And never forget, sometimes your ignorance of the worlds views will keep you alive and swimming when so many others are eaten by the sharks circling to swallow them whole.

**WM18@L Update**

I’m meeting with my beta readers Sunday! Whew, I can’t wait to hear what they have to say! Also, my editor is done with the book. She should have it to me in the next couple of days. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for the first part of next week to see the progress on the cover from my graphic designer.

Lastly, I want to thank each and every one of you. I’m speechless and can’t think of any words to express how grateful I am to have all your support. You took a chance on an unknown author and bought my novel. That means the world to me. You’ve come back to my blog and Facebook page, checking in on my progress and I totally appreciate that. It’s funny to think, not too long ago Wilson’s story only existed in my head and now it’s out in the entire world, being shared!

With Overwhelming Gratitude,

Gretchen